Are you too tired to bond with baby?
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Are you too tired to bond with baby? (Irish Independent - 31st March 2008)
A new study confirms what we all know -- that today's parents are not getting enough sleep once their bundle of joy arrives.
It's the defining moment in any woman's life, but first-time mums have confessed that they'd consider trading it all in for a lie-in. A study has shown how new mums here are too shattered to bond with their bundles of joy. And while they're meant to give off a serene glow brought on by giving birth, most Irish mammies look more like the living dead the first time round.
Sleepless nights, hysterical wailing and endless tossing and turning are making nurseries across the country like battlegrounds -- and that's before the babies even open their little gobs. When it comes to bedtime, it's insomniac mums -- not the new arrivals -- who are desperately seeking slumber.
A new survey by baby-care brand Johnsons has revealed that a quarter of newborns cause havoc in the house by waking regularly after the lights go out. And a knackered 76pc of parents surveyed said that they'd like to change their child's sleeping habits in a bid to get a better kip themselves.
"Sleeping problems are one of the most common parenting complaints," according to paediatric sleep expert Dr Jodi Mindell. "Establishing a consistent before-bed routine is often recommended to parents; however, many parents are unsure about exactly what constitutes a good routine and how to help improve their child's sleeping habits."
And you may want to mollycoddle your new son or daughter, but if you dream of getting more than 40 winks at a time, a military approach to bedtime is best. Psychology professor Dr Mindell explained: "Establishing your baby's routine right from the start is crucial.
"You need to make sure the routine always heads in the same direction -- bed.
"Bedtime routines help your baby become sleepy and prepare her to sleep through the night. Beginning these practices at a very young age, even by six to eight weeks, can also prevent sleep problems later."
The skincare company teamed up with baby sleep scientists to examine how a bedtime routine can help restless tots and their cranky mums catch more z's. And the clinical study asked the worn-out mothers of 58 babies under two years of age to test a new strategy using soothing new bedtime products before settling them down for the night.
"While it's recognised that it's important for babies to have a before-bed routine, no studies had evaluated the clinical benefits of such routines," says Dr Ellen S. Kurtz, Research and Development director.
"Mothers were instructed to follow their baby's usual night-time routine during the first phase of the study, after which they were instructed to follow a specific before-bed routine for their baby."
But forget the humble soother, antiquated lullabies or musical mobiles -- it seems little ones across the land need far more sophisticated encouragement to nod off and allow their old pair to get some shut-eye in the process.
Participating parents transformed their bathrooms into baby spas and treated their tots to nightly bubble baths, luxurious full body massages and personalised play time, including cuddling, singing and reading.
But their self-indulgent sons and daughters responded to the pampering programme by falling asleep faster and longer, while night awakenings were slashed by half.
And the results were such a relief to exhausted first-time mums and dads that the beauty brand has embarked on a series of parent and baby workshops, to help show others how to regain eight hours sleep instead of two. The roadshow is set to dole out top tips to mums on how to get their beauty sleep back and will also give grinds in baby massage.
"The routine was a massive success among mothers," Dr Kurtz revealed. "In addition to the clinical results, mothers reported that putting their baby to bed was easier. And their own tension, anxiety and fatigue was reduced significantly."
According to Dr Mindell, a director of the Sleep Centre at the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, parents can learn to lull even the bounciest of babies into a false sense of sleepiness.
"All infants naturally awaken throughout the night," she told, "but babies who can soothe themselves to sleep will quickly doze off on their own again. Create a consistent and enjoyable routine before bed but avoid active play at all costs. By putting your baby to bed drowsy but awake, she will be encouraged to fall asleep independently and soothe herself back to sleep when she does waken.
"And as all new parents soon discover, a better sleep for baby means a better sleep for the whole family."
'It was tough - I was constantly cranky'
Margaret O'Hanlon, from Suncrost, Co Kildare, had her first child, Joshua, 11 months ago, and says nothing could have prepared her for the exhaustion of becoming a mum.
"When you're pregnant, everyone warns you about how tired you're going to be after the baby is born. But even 11 months later, I still can't get over how wrecked you are when you've got a small baby to look after.
"You get up and do a whole day's work on two hours' sleep and it's not until the end of the day that you realise you got barely any rest the night before. Initially, it was really tough to deal with -- I was constantly cranky and found it hard to get up.
"Joshua was fairly whiney and restless for the first five months. When we started the bedtime routine, I noticed almost immediately that he went off to sleep within a few minutes of going down and tended not to stir during the night.
"I give him the bath, put on the lotion and we have a little playtime and then he sleeps from about 7.30pm to 7am. I wouldn't do it every night because I just don't have time, but he seems to love it when I do. You know yourself how relaxed you are after a bath.
"My husband works nights, so I don't have to worry about him being woken up by crying or waking the baby up when he comes in. And I'm a lot calmer now that I can get six or seven hours sleep!"
'Since starting the bedtime routine, there hasn't been a peep out of Zach'
Natasha Pillay lives in Chapelizod, Dublin, and has three children under three: daughters India and Izabel, and newborn Zach, 16 weeks.
"I'm a firm believer in routine -- with three kids under three I think you have to be to get them all into bed. When you have your first child, it's a breeze; my husband and I had loads of time to spend with India -- bathing her and cuddling her.
"But now I bathe the oldest two together and wouldn't dream of bathing Zach before they are gone to bed.
"I don't give them a bath every night; maybe five times a week, but it's a really nice, relaxing time to be able to spend with them.
"It's like an extra little treat, rather than just dumping them in the bath, drying them and flinging them in their night-clothes. It definitely calms them down. I've noticed the difference using the bedtime routine with Zach; there hasn't been a peep out of him, even when the other kids are running around like mad.
"I used to be an eight-hours-a-night kind of girl, but I breast-fed all of them so that put an end to that.
"I was also quite a heavy sleeper but since becoming a mother I'm literally awake at every little breath. I suppose that's normal anxiety.
"Generally, though, I'm lucky because if I go to bed when they do, I can get a proper night's sleep.
"My cousin, who has two young sons, is always telling me not to boast about that to other young mums because they won't be too impressed!"