Javier & Mercedes- Alella
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Javier & Mercedes - Alella
Javier and Mercedes, live in Alella in Maresme and adopted their two sons from two separate orphanages in Russia after being unable to have children naturally. They adopted one son (Dani) aged 9 months in 2004 and the other Alexei when he was 24 months 3 years later via the agency `Ìnfancia y Futuro'. Here they tell us what is involved in the adoption process, what it was like to see their sons for the first time and why they would recommend adoption wholeheartedly to anyone else thinking of considering it as an option.
Why did you decide to adopt?
We had been thinking about adopting for a long time, and it took a while until we took the decision to actually go for it. We had tried various infertility treatments which hadn´t worked, so we started to find out about the adoption process via the government, books and via other parents`experiences and we discovered a whole new world which would give us the opportunity to become parents.
Did you always want to adopt in Russia or did you look at adopting in Spain?
We didn´t initially want to adopt in Russia but in Spain. When we went to the Government Adoption Agency (Servicios de Adopción de la Generalitat) they told us that we couldn´t adopt here because there were no children up for adoption and that we may have to wait between 10 and 15 years! They then suggested we tried adopting from abroad.
The agency gave us a dossier which adheres to the `Convenio de la Haya' ie certain rules and regulations for adoption. There were a whole load of countries available but we chose Russia, because, despite it being a fairly bureaucratic country, its legal system has credibility and the adoption process was very transparent and is a European country like Spain. It was also recommended to us by a sister-in-law.
Can you explain the process of adopting a Russian child? How long did it take from the start of the process until you could bring your child home?
As in any country, the process of adoption in Russia is long, hard and complicated but it is obviously all worth it in the end.
First, after a series of interviews, the agency puts together a Cerificate of Suitability ( EL CERTIFICADO DE IDONEIDAD), which allows you to adopt in Spain or abroad. It basically becomes your visiting card for any country you choose to visit. You get it around four months after your first request to be adoptive parents and it contains all the information you have given the authorities.
Next, we got in contact wtih ECAI, which processes the adoption documents in your country of choice - Russia in our case - and it is of vital importance that this entity is accredited by both the Spanish and Russian governments.
Then we had to present a whole host of papers, documents, certificates etc and have them translated into Russian, have them validated by a notario and authenticated by the Convenio de La Haya, sent to Russia and then wait for news...
It can take from 3 months to a year before you hear anything about your adoptive child, but strangely the documentation runs out after 9 months, so if you have heard nothing by then you have to start all over again. Why? No idea! It is Murphy's Law and very exasperating.
Once you have been designated a child, the Russian government invites you to see him or her. So you travel to your destination and only once you are there are you told the age and sex of your child.by the Ministry of Education (we didn´t mind the sex but we did want a child under 4 years).
Then you go with an interpreter and someone from the orphanage to meet your child for the first time. They explain the background of the child, any illnesses he or she has suffered or is suffering from now and then the most WONDERFUL, UNFORGETTABLE AND MARVELLOUS MOMENT happens when you meet your child for the first time and become a parent...
Next we had to return home without our son in order for the various legal processes to be fulfilled. This was the hardest part for us. It is a really bitter-sweet moment, having got to meet your child and then leaving them.
In most cases, you return within a couple of months once the legal process has been completed, and bring your chld back. Sometimes it takes longer, sometimes less time.
In both our cases, however, we had to wait much longer. With Dani the process lasted 15 months and with Alexei our youngest 25 months.
Did you have a choice of which orphanage to adopt from?
We just chose the region and orphanage randomly.
Can you tell us a little about the orphanage itself? How many children were there? How were the children when you saw them?
The children in the orphanages we saw all suffered from a lack of attention and were malnourished. It isn´t that the people who worked there were not doing their best but they just couldn´t give their time and attention to so many children plus they just didn´t have the resources. Well, that was the impression we got anyway..
I can´t tell you exactly how any orphans there were but it did seem to be too many, and they should all have been with a family not in the orphanage. The one thing all orphans is that they have all been abandoned and do not have a mother or father who loves and cares for them. An institution can never provide that however good it is.
In the orphanage where one of our sons was (we were not allowed to see the other one), they were all little angels and we wanted to take them all away with us! We were able to play with them given that our son was playing with them at the time. Some were there for a short period of time but it still seemed so unjust that they were there at all and that the adoption process was taking so long.
The consequemce of a lack of care that these children had was that the vast majority were understimulated, but this can go with lots of attention, which only a family can give not an institution.
Can you describe the moment you saw your child for the first time?
The first time we saw our sons was the best moment of our lives...it is a moment so difficult to describe...when you hold them in your arms for the first time...there are no words to describe it.You think that it was worth being born just to see them and hold them. Even though it isn´t your flesh and blood, it is the same feeling. The bond you have is very special
You now have two adopted children from Russia- did you always want to adopt two?
When we saw our first son, from the very first moment we wanted another because it was such a wonderful experience. I remember we were returning home with our first son and I said to my wife that we had to adopt another one. So in the very same week we arrived back we presented our documents again but the agency told us we had to wait another 6 months. At the end of 6 months exactly we got the ball rolling.
We have no plans to adopt again...for now.
What do you know about your sons` backgrounds?
We were told that the boys suffered a lot since they were little because of the harsh conditions in which their parents lived but we have respect for their parents having given them the chance for a better life. We never forgot and will never forget that they are with us because their biological parents wanted to give them that chance. The mothers went through with the pregnancies even when they could have had abortions( as abortion is free in Russia), and for this we will always be grateful.
Do your two boys know much about their background?
The boys know about their background yes. We speak openly about it as much as we can. They know they are Russian and that their mother is not from there and that we went there to get them.
One time, Dani the eldest asked `When will I have another brother or sister from Russia? and can it be a sister this time?!`
In fact the only difference in having a biological son and an adopted one is that the adopted son doesn´t carry your blood but in every other respect it is the same. They love to copy everything you do, learn what you teach them etc etc
You know it is your child when they cry and they ask for a cuddle, when they want to play and they look for you, when something is wrong and you comfort them and even when they have done something bad and they make you angry...
How will you feel in the future if your children will want to know more about their parentage?
I think when the day comes when they want to know about their biological family, we will give them as much information as possible and give them all documentaton we have on their background, although in Russia they are quite secretive about giving any of this information away.We do know that in Russia all the documentation is kept. Our sons have the right to know their origins, how hard they were and why they are with us today.
What do you think are the main challenges for parents bringing up an adopted child?
The challenges are the same as with any other parent. Their age and background can make a difference but this can be cured with lots and lots of care and attention. Our experience is that a child who receives lots of love and attention gives it back and that is the best tonic.
What advice would you give to parents here thinking of adopting a child?
I would say with all my heart - go for it! The prcocess may seem hard and stressful but it is so worth the final result!
(November 2008).
