Barcelona Mum

Debra Foremski

What is your name, age and where do you live?
My name is Debra Foremski, I'm 48 years old and I live with my family in La Devesa in the elegant city of Girona. 

What nationality are you and your partner?
We have British passports.  My husband is first generation Polish (in which he is fluent) and I am half English and half Irish.  We were both born, raised & educated in London where we also later worked.  After we married we moved to bring up our young family in the Suffolk countryside for about nine years before we came to live in Cataluyna.

How many children do you have and what are their names and ages?
We have two children aged 8 and 10 years.

Do you work and if so what to you do?
Every day, in the afternoons,  I teach English to little ones from about 15 months up to around 10 years old for a private academy.  I am also a qualified reflexology therapist and want to start doing this in Girona as it is a very alternative city (perhaps, initially from home). I had a very successful little practice back in England.  Following a posting I saw on the Mum Abroad forum, I have also recently got involved with Usborne English books for children as I see there is a real need for this here.  Not just for English speaking children but also all my little  English language learners. I am interested in lots of different things and always seem to have one project or another on the go. Plus, of course, I'm a busy wife, mummy and home maker!
 
What was your experience of having a baby in Spain? (if relevant)
Both our kids were born in the UK.

What was your experience of relocating to Spain with children? (if relevant)
Our experience of totally relocating our whole family lock, stock and barrel to another country? A complete breeze!  No, of course it wasn't!  Not at all!!  It was exhausting, stressful and bewildering.  Plus all the initial red-tape and necessary procedures to become residents was extremely frustrating.  Nevertheless, I remember how positive and excited we were looking forward to our new life.  I also recall the lovely experience of buying a one-way ticket and sitting on the plane with all those holiday makers, very smugly, knowing we would not be making a return trip for some time.  The children were very prepared and aware of what was happening for at least a couple of years before we moved.  I used to play Spanish CDs and videos for them in the UK and us parents had been trying to learn Spanish for some years.
 
How well integrated would you say you and your children are?
Well, because we had done our research and came out on reconnaissance a few times we had made a few friends and contacts who were able to help smooth the process when we eventually arrived. We actually went to live in the same apartment we had previously rented for holidays so the children were familiar with their new home and neighbourhood. We have sinced moved to an another place, nearby, that has more space for us all.  Because I teach in the same area in which we live, many of the parents and children are my neighbours and we have got to know them well.  It is rare occasion when I step out of my door and don't exchange a quick chat, friendly wave across the street or a simple smile of recognition. It's nice to be part of the community and sometimes I actually feel like a local so it seems so much like home to us already.  The kindness we have been shown (initially, mostly by the Catalans) has been both heart-warming and generous.  In my opinion and I guess I could be accused of generalizing, Catalans are quite reserved, private people and different in their attitudes to the rest of Spain.  But a good Catalan friend is steadfast, supportive and genuine.
The children initially had trouble connecting with their school friends because they were unable to speak Catalan  (although they do not have the same inhibitions about not speaking the same language as us grown-ups!).  However, they converse fluently and confidently now.  We also have our ever-expanding international network of English speaking families who live here.

What language do you speak to your children?
We speak English at home despite my attempts to get the children to teach me Catalan!
 
What is your impression of childcare and education where you live?
Apart from a little help from our canguro (child-minder) and occasional baby-sitters my husband and I share the child care between us and we all tend to do most things together. Our girls are now used to socialising politely and sitting nicely in restaurants (well, most of the time, anyway!).
As far as my impressions of education go, well, I naturally can't help making comparisons to primary schools in the Britain.  I now realise how privileged and fortunate parents are in the UK where kids can turn up at the school gate without even a pencil!  Here it is very different.  Everything your child needs to use in school has to be paid for by the parents.  Text books etc. are not generally recycled and have to be bought, sometimes new ones every term.  We have even been charged for the photocopies the teacher has given the children!  Generally, the teachers are kind, helpful, committed and very good.  It appears very academically based. music and languages are begun earlier here. Subjects such as active science (where the children participate in simple experiments), practical art and international history/geography are not a big part of the curriculum in primary education. I notice far more men teach in primary schools than they do in the UK.

In my experience, I think the teachers here could do with more resources and updated equipment (such as interactive whiteboards and state of the art IT, for instance) than is currently available to them. Some school buildings look more like office blocks than educational establishments for the young and the playgrounds facilities could be improved. As one of my children commented when we went to look at one school  "...it looks as welcoming as a prison".

They don't seem to be into fund-raising here to buy the equipment they need and volunteer parent helpers (to assist with reading and other activities etc.) is unheard of and unwelcomed.  AMPA (sort of PTA) don't seem to have much influence.

What school do your children go to?
A small Privat Concertat (means part-pay) which are very popular here in Girona. However, the state schools are superb, often better sometimes.

Why did you choose this school and are you happy with your choice?
We send our children there simply because my husband got a job teaching English part-time at the school and we thought it would be a nice way to ease and settle them into a new school system. They wanted to be near their Daddy!  It's not my school of choice and I have my reasons but on balance it's working out as there are other factors which remain positive.  The class sizes are small which is important.  My children have, albeit temporarily, special needs due to the fact their first tongue is not Catalan or Spanish.  As they are still relatively the new kids on the block there is a danger they could get left behind/overlooked in a larger class.  It's a little faraway from our home but at least I get to wave them all off in the morning then go and have a blissfully peaceful cup of tea!  It makes a nice change from all those years on school-run duty!

Where you live, how good are the facilities for children (shops, restaurants, activities etc)?
Girona is a relatively safe, quiet and pretty place to live - very family orientated with most of the facilities you could wish for.  It does not have the cool, groovy appeal of Barcelona and most young adults want to leave town to go and live there eventually.  I do envy the choice of opportunities there are in Barcelona but Girona is a small city, more like a village really.  There are lots of activities for kids and its just a case of making sure you monitor what events are coming up, where and when. Sometimes these things start too late even if they are geared towards children.  There are great walks, museums and cycling is easy. Outdoor swimming pools in the summer and an ice rink around Christmas time.  It's really neat to be able to set off for the beach late in the afternoon and know you will still have a few hours of sun, sea and sand or head for the hills to ski for a great day out in the winter.  Like the rest of the country, children are generally welcome in the numerous bars/restaurants/shops/etc.  The tolerance, respect and patience shown to young families is outstanding and what attracted us in the first place.  English speaking events are centred around get togethers with other English speaking families.
 
What do you think are the main advantages and disadvantages of being a parent from the International Community in your town?
The main advantage is feeling you have given your children a wonderful lifestyle and the chances that you never had yourself.  You are bringing them up as Children of Europe. They will grow with an understanding of cultural diversity and be at least fluently tri-lingual in English, Catalan and Spanish.  Even if my kids never go to university, growing up here means they already have a unique niche carved out for them and all the opportunities it affords.

Disadvantages seem petty in comparison but I have a few.  One is not being able to help much with homework. Also, being unable to chat fluently with other mummies and people we come across.  There are a lot of interesting folks out there who I would love to get to know better but my language skills defeat me. My employment opportunities are also limited until I can master either Spanish or Catalan. 

I've finally bitten the bullet and have started taking Catalan lessons.  After all, in a few years' time, my children will be making arrangements with their boyfriends on the telephone and I want to be able to listen in and understand what is going on!
There are many other advantages and disadvantages but then you wouldn't have the space for me to whittle on in this interview.
 
Is there anything you think would improve children´s lives?
Seriously, I believe shorter schools days and less homework. I don't think the long school days are beneficial. No one in the world comments on just how intelligent/smart/spectacularly academic Spanish children are so why is it so unnecessarily intense?  The system as it stands now, with all it's pressure on the children just does not work.   I think finishing at 5pm is too late for primary school age.  There seems to be tons of homework to be completed every night.  We pay a lovely, Catalan student who comes to help us as Mummy and Daddy can't cope with all the Catalan!  We will do this until we feel the girls are up to speed with writing and reading the language. 
 
I see a lot of children being whizzed around straight after school for activities such as sports, music, dance and English lessons and I wonder how they also get time to fit in supper, homework and relaxation with their families before bedtime. 
 
My kids will tell you their life would improve by being allowed to have packed lunches even though the school dinners are yummy!  Perhaps we ought to interview the older children on their experiences and opinions!?!

What advice would you give for anyone having a baby or thinking of relocating to Costa Brava with children?
Regarding relocation with children, I just want to say brace yourself, tighten your seatbelts/resolve and be prepared for a rocky ride! It's not easy no matter how positive and determined you feel. 
The health services are wonderful. I speak from well-qualified experience as I'm a trained nurse and have also been a patient here so I can tell you, with hesitation, that the medical services are absolutely excellent and superior to what I have experienced in my own country.  My friends who have had their babies here have nothing but positive reports to tell me.  So, if you having your baby here be comfortably reassured.

Before you take such a big step obviously do your research and more research.  Talk to your children about all the positive reasons why you are moving.  Point out all the lovely things there are for them to do when they come here.  Come many times before you make the move.  Reach out to people (it's so easy here if you have kids), talk to them, make contacts and try to help your children make friends in your chosen destination. Even a small piece of advice can go a long way or a gentle jolt in the right direction.

Outside of Barcelona, Catalan is the language of communication. If you come to live in Girona or thereabouts, somehow, someway try and find out more about the Catalan language (which is difficult in the UK). Exposing your kids to the sounds of the language may help them acclimatize.  How ignorant were we when we first came here on holiday in 2001 (when the spell was cast that prompted us to consider relocation).  We thought that the only reason we couldn't understand anyone was because our Spanish was not good enough, when actually they were speaking Catalan!  I went home to England and told everyone that that the locals were under the impression that we were French because they said 'Merci' to us all the time! We do get by with our very functional Spanish and I still think you need to speak it here as well.

Where you live what couldn´t you live without?
An income, thankfully we have one but we both work very hard and it's a juggling act sometimes making ends meet. It's not a cheap place to live.
 
Where you live what could you live without?
Silly things really...
- Having to get used to driving left-hand cars on the other side of the road!
- Getting flustered when I answer the 'phone to people and at other times because I can't understand what they are saying! 
- Shops that close at lunchtime and very limited choice of good quality ready meals
-The sheer effort of dealing with bureaucracy.

Finally, a comment I would like to make and all us international parents should consider. This all sounds very noble but when you think about it, we have brought our precious, beautiful children to this wonderful country and chosen to raise them here. They are a gift and its future.

To find out more about living in Girona, check out my husband's website, www.mygironaspain.com.  It's simply an information site with a lot of content about Girona from an English speakers point of view.  Just a hobby really that's completely non-profit making and interesting to read.